I'm a terrible person, but the height of that horridness is when I'm jealous

ahhh
so like I have a friend - wait scratch that -  best friend - named Mackie Clarke.  Honestly, sometimes these days she's the only one there for me.  Like she is one of those people that all I do is talk about myself to because mainly the rest of the people I hang out with like to talk about themselves, and never have the time of day to hear me say something.  I mean I need to talk to people to - I love talking about my friend's lives and I'm a really good listener I just idk i take way too much advantage of Mackie and it kills me because she is so good to me and amazing in general.  I mean we've had our tough spots - pretty much the ONLY tough spots are about and around her very best friend, Sian Armstrong, and like so I pretty much loathe Sian.  And lately, after school when I'm skipping basketball conditioning, we always reach that conversation about how I think Sian is a terrible person and everyone around me agrees unless they are new and Mackie thinks she is the greatest person.  I know that Sian is a great friend to Mackie but at the same time she is absolutely terrible person and especially an amazingly HORRIBLE friend to her.  So, today at 8:54 pm, I was looking through my email and I found a video that my white sister, Rebecca Edge, had sent me and it was the "I have Owl Eyes" video haha and I saw a comment from Sian.  i clicked on her channel and one of her two videos were "my Parting Gift"
and it was for Mackie.  I watched it and honestly it was so sweet.  It's pretty much what I've always wanted to do - make a montage of videos of me and my friends.  I always say "Sian is a terrible person, but she reels in people so easily.  She makes them love her.  Being her friend makes you feel special.  Like Ali on Pretty Little Liars.  Making you feel special is especially effective on such modest people [like Mackie].  It makes you see through the insane horridness that is her personality."  Watching this video, made me so happy for Mackie because she had such a great best friend.  It even made me see blind - I didn't see the bad parts of her because that was blinded out with the perfection and bright spot that Mackie was.  I was so jealous because the one thing I've always wanted to do was make a montage of my best friend and I.  It makes me really sad because I know I can't do it with my best friend the way that Mackie and Sian did it.  I sorta think Sarina is ashamed of me.  It irks me to know that she won't ever do something weird to make her look an ounce bad.  But I have seen her do it - just with her popular and cool friends.  I used to share everything with her and we used to be weird together, but now all she cares is about her image and all I am trying to do is not lose her.  I am so jealous of Mackie and Sian because I want what they had.  I want that friendship.
...And, now, I'm crying
Haha
...
Tomorrow I'm going to apologize to Mackie.  She is honestly such a good friend.  I don't want to make her feel bad because to be honest Sian may be horrid in my opinion but everyone deserves someone that makes them feel special.

You know when your home alone and you feel so lonely that it sorta liek forces you to think about all the bad parts of the day - and then you start uncontrollably crying.  Except there is no one to comfort me.  No one to tell me I'm not.  I can't even call my best friend because she doesn't care and she isn't around.  She's too busy with the girl that took away the one person who could make me feel better. How wonderful.

Who knew that I'd know once again the feeling of your best friend not being there?

honestly, "bitch" doesn't really affect me but who knew that calling me an invalid would hurt so much?

K one of those youtube videos

OK, so i always like watch those 10 Movie Kisses and etc., so I thought that I should do one.  I don't really care if people watch it or not - I'm just publishing my work.
K so i'm gonna be awkward and put top 11 instead of top 10 ya no :P
Top 11 Kissess
- Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Bonnie Wright and Daniel Radcliff: Ginny and Harry 
- House of Anubis: Peddie first kiss
- Red Riding Hood: the alley 
- Lord of the Rings: Aragorn and Arwen Kiss
- Pirates of the Carribean: Will and Elizabeth "No he's a pirate"
- Titanic: Jack and Rose "Together at last"
- Wizards of Waverly Place: Alex and Mason "Just kiss me" - kiss in the rain
- One Tree Hill: Peyton and Lucas Life in a glass house 107 "I want it all"
- Glee: Klaine "You take my Breath away"
- Zoey 101: Logan and Quinn
- The Amazing Spiderman: Gwen and Peter "Your spi--" "Shut up"

Bottom 6
Zoey 101
WOWP
Titanic
Peddie
Glee
Pirates
Upper 5
Harry Potter
Red Riding Hood
One Tree Hill
Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Rings
The Amazing Spiderman

Ordering the bottom 6
11. HOA
10. Zoey 101
9. Wizards of Waverly Place
8. Glee
7. Pirates of the Carribean
6. Titanic

Ordering the top 5
5. Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring
4. Harry Potter
3. One Tree Hill
2. Red Riding Hood
1. The Amazing Spiderman

;( amazing movie

and the tigers come at niiight............. ;( still crying cuz it was so beautiful

LOL

haha when a tree ent tells you not to be hasty and then takes you to a meeting where it takes them 2 hours for the ents to say hello to each other.

LOTR

Lord of the Rings

stuff about LOTR

maybe its just a phase and ill get over it
i think it is cuz it doesnt feel liek how i felt about hp
my dad told me that was a phase when i was like 6 and i guess if it was a phase - im still in it......