ahhh
so like I have a friend - wait scratch that - best friend - named Mackie Clarke. Honestly, sometimes these days she's the only one there for me. Like she is one of those people that all I do is talk about myself to because mainly the rest of the people I hang out with like to talk about themselves, and never have the time of day to hear me say something. I mean I need to talk to people to - I love talking about my friend's lives and I'm a really good listener I just idk i take way too much advantage of Mackie and it kills me because she is so good to me and amazing in general. I mean we've had our tough spots - pretty much the ONLY tough spots are about and around her very best friend, Sian Armstrong, and like so I pretty much loathe Sian. And lately, after school when I'm skipping basketball conditioning, we always reach that conversation about how I think Sian is a terrible person and everyone around me agrees unless they are new and Mackie thinks she is the greatest person. I know that Sian is a great friend to Mackie but at the same time she is absolutely terrible person and especially an amazingly HORRIBLE friend to her. So, today at 8:54 pm, I was looking through my email and I found a video that my white sister, Rebecca Edge, had sent me and it was the "I have Owl Eyes" video haha and I saw a comment from Sian. i clicked on her channel and one of her two videos were "my Parting Gift"
and it was for Mackie. I watched it and honestly it was so sweet. It's pretty much what I've always wanted to do - make a montage of videos of me and my friends. I always say "Sian is a terrible person, but she reels in people so easily. She makes them love her. Being her friend makes you feel special. Like Ali on Pretty Little Liars. Making you feel special is especially effective on such modest people [like Mackie]. It makes you see through the insane horridness that is her personality." Watching this video, made me so happy for Mackie because she had such a great best friend. It even made me see blind - I didn't see the bad parts of her because that was blinded out with the perfection and bright spot that Mackie was. I was so jealous because the one thing I've always wanted to do was make a montage of my best friend and I. It makes me really sad because I know I can't do it with my best friend the way that Mackie and Sian did it. I sorta think Sarina is ashamed of me. It irks me to know that she won't ever do something weird to make her look an ounce bad. But I have seen her do it - just with her popular and cool friends. I used to share everything with her and we used to be weird together, but now all she cares is about her image and all I am trying to do is not lose her. I am so jealous of Mackie and Sian because I want what they had. I want that friendship.
...And, now, I'm crying
Haha
...
Tomorrow I'm going to apologize to Mackie. She is honestly such a good friend. I don't want to make her feel bad because to be honest Sian may be horrid in my opinion but everyone deserves someone that makes them feel special.
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